Establishing a Close Connection to Our Self.

Establishing a Close Connection to Our Self.

To have an intimate connection with our self is a crazy rewarding thing. But maintaining a close connection with our self can be difficult, and finding our way back can seem elusive.

In this article, we are discussing the path of losing the connection to self. As well as giving insights into finding a path back to the true self that works for you.

Connection to Self.

First off, we all have a self. Of all of the world around us, we have our own seemingly minuscule perspective in a gigantic picture. In this perspective, we have thoughts, emotions, bodily impulses, ambitions, personality traits, and many other aspects that make us, us.

All of these aspects, though they may change, make up the current state of who we are. Though we should not confuse ourselves with any one of these aspects of ourselves. Getting too caught up in any of these, creates a too limited view of ourselves.

We are the totality of all these pieces of ourselves, each of them hopefully working well for us.

Having a connection with self comes from unconditional acceptance of all these little pieces. Meaning that we accept them when they show up, and experience them for what they are without being over judgmental about their nature.

For example, if anger is triggered inside me for some reason, I am now having the experience of anger. I am not this anger, but it is a piece of my current experience. There is no need to be dissatisfied with myself because this is my experience, I just need to feel it. The same goes for any emotion or any other impulses I am feeling whether they feel good or bad.

To Lose Our Connection.

To have a connection with self is to accept and feel our current experiences. Therefore to lose connection is to deny and neglect to feel our current experience.

We may lose our connection because we are too harshly judging our current state. It could also be because we are caught in resentment of ourselves or someone else. As well, it may entirely be because we don’t know ourselves very well.

Losing connection with ourselves is not a difficult thing to do. In fact, it is incredibly easy to lose ourselves, both momentarily, and for an extended period of time. In some cases, we may entirely forget what it is to have a connection with our self.

The Discomfort of Lost Self-connection.

Connection Lost

Photo by Raj Eiamworakul on Unsplash

To lose connection with self comes with varying degrees of discomfort. That discomfort may be noticeable, and maybe it will seem that nothing is at all wrong with our worlds. It generally shows up in our thoughts becoming negative and in our emotions feeling unpleasant.

If we don’t understand the purpose of that discomfort we may disregard coming back home. In these cases, we may mindlessly wander through life thinking we are meant to be nervous wrecks or have to be hopelessly depressed forever.

It is also the case that if we don’t understand that we have lost our self-connection we may mistake others for being the cause of our discomfort. Bringing discomfort to the lives of others because we don’t realize our lack of self-connection is the problem.

We, of course, don’t have to be in prolonged states of distress because of lack of self-connection. The discomfort of not being connected to ourselves if understood may warn us to come back home to our current experience and get our connection back.

How we can Connect with Self.

Getting back our connection to self is immensely important to our having mental and emotional contentment. But if we don’t know how to get there then getting there is a shot in the dark.

Here are some ideas we can use for getting back to a connection with self. Which can no doubt help us maintain this connection as well.

1. Think in Ways that Supports Connection to Self.

There are thoughts that can aid our having a connection with self and those that make it pretty much impossible.

Thoughts that are overly judgmental do not support self-connection. Because these types of thoughts are, at least the vast majority of the time, not reality.

The types of thinking that best aids in self-connection are those that are laced with self-respect and self-honesty. We need to see reality, but we don’t need to treat ourselves poorly through the process.

When we find that our thoughts are turning overly negative and judgmental we can be sure we are at least a little disconnected. Taking some steps to return them to a more self-loving state is more than beneficial at this stage.

Here is a related article on returning our thoughts to a more self-loving state.

2. Develop Emotional Intelligence.

With emotional intelligence comes the ability to understand our emotions, identify them, and express them in healthy ways. We are emotional beings, these impulses serve an important purpose in our lives.

They let us know when we are on a healthy path to getting what we desire, or not. They let us know if we are currently in a state of connection with ourselves, as well as when there is a disconnect.

By knowing how to decipher what we are feeling, we can tell what our state of self-connection is. We can learn what needs are being neglected and take care of them. The main tools that I go to for learning about my emotions are therapeutic writing, chatting with trusted people and through reading books.

Another great tool a friend showed me is a needs worksheet. One part of the worksheet is an inventory of our needs. The second part is to educate us on what emotions arise when our needs are satisfied and when too many are being neglected.

These lists have been quite helpful over the years.

3. Spend Time Feeling the Sensations in our Bodies.

A door that is always present for entering into a connection with self is through the sensations in our bodies.

If there are feelings of pent up stress or other unpleasant feelings, giving our bodily impulses some non-judgmental attention works wonders.

Simply put attention on the area of our bodies that are feeling stress and gently breathe into them. If it feels uncomfortable, just work at not judging that sensation as being a nuisance. The impulses are just expressing themselves. Often times, unless there is a serious medical problem, the stress being stored in that area will relax away.

Through this process, we are slowing ourselves down enough to experience a deep sense of self-connection. This self-connection happens as we allow ourselves to be in the moment without judgment.

 

4. Practice Self-acceptance.

Without self-acceptance, there is no self-connection. Through self-acceptance, our bodies are given permission to be exactly what they are.

You may have a couple of questions now. Such as. “Hey, what if my current state is unacceptable? If I accept something about myself that is unacceptable, will that piece of me ever change?”

The answer is this. Acceptance of this current moment as it is a requirement for healthy change. Through acceptance, connection to self allows clarity into what needs attention, and what is best left alone.

Accepting ourselves as is, is an act of self-love, of self-respect. When feeling loved and respected we grow and change naturally. The unhealthy eventually vanishes, and the healthy flourishes.

Through acceptance of ourselves, the sane self within is able to work it’s magic.

 

Connection

Photo by Cerys Lowe on Unsplash

5. Relax on Comparing Ourselves to Others.

Getting trapped in comparing ourselves can be a terribly painful experience. But we all compare ourselves to others, in fact, it is a natural thing for our brains to do. These comparisons help us learn about ourselves. They help us come to terms with what we desire and don’t desire for our lives.

There may be something to learn from comparing ourselves to others, but it can be a slippery slope. We are adequate exactly how we are. The treatment of our current experience as good enough is peace and gratitude-inducing. It settles us into a beautiful state of connection to self.

Maybe we will go get what those people have in a healthy way, maybe we won’t. Either way, we can treat ourselves as the intelligent, resourceful, ambitious and sufficient people we truly are. When we treat ourselves as such, we will likely gain an incredible amount of motivation to obtain all the healthy experiences we desire.

 

Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth.
We sincerely wish you amazing success on finding a maintaining a healthy connection with Self. We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit.
If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course! The course will help you stop pesky unwanted behaviors, as well as develop a healthier relationship with your bodily impulses.

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here

 

To Support My Life Experiment.
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5 Essentials for Balanced and Responsible Daydreaming.

5 Essentials for Balanced and Responsible Daydreaming.

Daydreaming is something that we all do. Although some individuals do so more than others.

So is there anything wrong with day-dreaming? And maybe even more importantly, is there anything good about it?

Daydreaming.

I don’t know about you but throughout my life, daydreaming has been a consistent partner. Sometimes for the better, but even more often, not so much.

To daydream is to have our minds wander. It is not to be confused with active visualization of events and problem-solving. No, to daydream our minds lead the way. Most of the time it is difficult to notice that we have even slipped into this mental activity.

Our daydreaming is driven by both our natural drive for making sense of our lives, as well as for plotting a path for accomplishing what we desire. In a sense, much of daydreaming comes from our desire to have life be different from what it is. This could be because we are having trouble dealing with stress, we’re highly ambitious people or both.

Mind Wandering can be Bad for Our Happiness.

Another problem that comes with daydreaming is from doing it too often. Even when it is about thoughts that elicit initially positive feelings, according to research out of Harvard.

A researcher developed an iPhone application for participants that randomly pinged them throughout the day. Doing so to ask them brief questions that had to do with their state of happiness, what they were currently engaged in, and if they were paying attention to what was happening.

What they found was that the more the participants of the study daydreamed, the more unhappy they were. The study also makes another point. That is that the more unhappy the participants were, the more their minds wandered.

A vicious cycle of daydreaming and unhappiness can develop if we are not careful. But the research does make the point that it is because of our current unhappiness that our minds wander, not the other way around.

When we find ourselves in a present moment in which we are struggling, sliding into daydreams will likely be more frequent.

Unpleasant Emotion and Daydreaming.

The state of our daydreaming is deeply affected by the state of our emotions. When in a rather pleasant state of emotion we may not feel the need to daydream. We may feel contented to stay in the moment, staying connected with the world around us.

Though as was written above, sliding into daydreams may happen more frequently when the present moment isn’t to our liking.

Life is obviously not always a pleasant thing. The more unpleasant it feels, the more difficult it is to desire to be where we are. Our minds do have the ability to at least mentally take us to another, more likable place. But of course, our bodies are left to hang out here in “reality.”

There is an obvious downside to daydreaming too much. Maladaptive daydreaming is an actual mental health disorder to show that it can get in the way of living a healthy life.

But even though daydreaming comes with some difficulties, there is at least one positive aspect of daydreaming worth understanding.

Creative Nature of Daydreaming.

The daydreaming that we do, isn’t disconnected from our lives. Whether it is about the past, the future, or even the present, our brains are working things out. They are seeking healing from the past and best path to take to what we desire for the future.

Too much daydreaming may have negative effects on the amount of happiness we feel. But daydreaming is also highly creative, meaning that it helps develop and recognize new ways to get things done. Neglecting to reap benefit from this natural process in our brains is just silly.

Our brains are going to daydream, there is no escaping this fact. Daydreaming is going to happen and with the benefits this process can give, we should want it to. What we need is to find a balanced approach to help get the benefit from this natural brain process. As well as for limiting the possible negative effects.

Daydreaming

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

 

 

How to Be Responsible Daydreamers.

Being a responsible daydreamer also means being a balanced daydreamer. In other words, a daydreamer that doesn’t allow the activity to get out of control. But also doesn’t completely reject and stay away from its creative potential.

We have a few tips for you to help you find this daydream balance. This will help guide you to the realm of the responsible.

1. Take Care of Priorities.

Often times when we fall behind on taking care of our priorities, stress builds. The more we allow that stress to build up the more we are likely to allow our minds to wander too much.

By taking care of our priorities, we can help ensure that the daydreaming we do is healthy. So when we sit back to relax and allow our mind to wander, there isn’t a backlog of tasks that our minds have to obsess about. This frees our minds creative abilities, making it more likely that we can have a pleasant experience rather than a troubled one.

2. Stay Connected with the Present Moment as much as Possible.

There are plenty of reasons to not want to be awake in the present moment. Maybe the way things are don’t meet our standards. Possibly our jobs or our families are expecting more than we care to deal with.

But by staying connected to the moment throughout our day, when it is time to allow our minds to wander, it will be much more enjoyable.

3. Set Aside Time to let the Mind Wander.

Setting aside time tells the our brains that we are making a commitment. It allows us to know what to expect. There are several physiological benefits from daydreaming. If the areas of the brain that trigger daydreaming know they will get what they need later this evening, they may be less forceful in triggering daydreaming when it is inappropriate.

The same goes for ourselves. Knowing that we have time set aside for letting our minds wander later, will make it easier to stay focused throughout the rest of the day.

4. Being of Guidance to Daydreaming but not Controlling.

To daydream is to allow our minds to wander. Though our minds aren’t wandering if we are trying to make it wander where we want it to.

But if our minds continually wander to places that are overly negative or stress-inducing, it’s okay to gently guide it back on track. For me, I actually say “I love you” to my mind, then give my mind another option. That or I just do my best to ignore what it is trying to show me and allow it to pass.

If it won’t pass we may have to find other avenues to take.

5. If Content is Compulsively Negative, Find Something Else to do.

Sometimes when sitting down to allow the mind to wander, it can my be stuck on rather unpleasant events. In this case it may be best to find something else to do. Maybe this is happening because we aren’t taking care of our needs and priorities, or spending too much time daydreaming outside of our set time. It could also be because our emotional energies are too busy trying to figure something out.

As far as what to do instead, it should probably be something to wear off some energy like exercising or having some laughs with a friend. That or an act that helps make sense of our emotional state, like therapeutic writing, or doing some mindful breathing.

Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We sincerely wish you amazing success in daydreaming in ways that are balanced and responsible. We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course! The course will help you stop pesky unwanted behaviors, as well as develop better relationship with your bodily impulses.

 

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here

 

To Support My Life Experiment.
How to Keep Desire on a Healthy Path.

How to Keep Desire on a Healthy Path.

Desire is a powerfully creative thing. But even though it is a creative thing, it can also be a dangerous thing.

Let’s look more closely at this highly creative part of us, to see how to keep it and ourselves on a healthy life trajectory.

Desire.

In many spiritual traditions, desire has somewhat of a bad rap. Though it is true, there is no escaping the pressures of our desires. And these desires, as well as our ignorance of how to meet them in a healthy way creates many problems.

But what would life be like without our desiring? In my interpretation, life would be drab and boring. To desire brings excitement to life. With it comes a renewed energy for creating change, and for bringing about a fulfilling life.

It is actually silly to think of what life would be without desire. We don’t have a choice in the matter. Whether we like it or not, subconsciously and consciously we are going to set our sights and our minds on getting what we want. And those bodily impulses will get kicked up and beg to be used.

Our desiring can be used responsibly or irresponsibly. When used responsibly, it can bring about many beautiful outcomes for our lives. But if used irresponsibly it can be damaging to ourselves, and others that may be in its path.

Irresponsible Path of Desire.

Desire

 

 

 

 

With desire comes the energy to create. But just as easily that energy can be used to do damage, or even destroy.

That harm can be directed either outside of us or inside of us. It can be directed inside of us when we neglect to get out and live. Unused desire can turn into a backlog of unhealthy stress. That unhealthy stress can lead us to excess anxiety, possible depression, and into seeking unhealthy stress relief.

That stress relief seeking can lead individuals to actions that range from personally annoying, like eating a little too much ice cream, binge-watching Netflix or nail-biting. All the way to publicly disturbing.

We have all seen the craziness that can come into the world when someone sees something they want and obsessively commits to go any lengths to get it. The prison system is full of individuals that became obsessive and compulsive with the paths they took to fulfill their desires.

But people don’t need to be behind bars to be prisoners though. Many of us feel trapped and stressed by our own outlets for stress relief. What many of us need is to make the paths we take to our desires, healthy ones.

How to Keep Our Desire on a Healthy Path.

1.  Surround Ourselves with Healthy Peer Pressure.

To surround ourselves with healthy peer pressure is to have healthy relationships. Relationships that mesh well with our goals for life, look out for our best interests, challenge us and encourage us.

The healthier the people we have around us, the healthier life we will be pressured to create. As far as for how we meet our desires, these relationships can play a significant role. They can help inspire us into new ways of behaving, remind us of our potential and warn us of dangers.

These healthy relationships may even jump in to actively participate with us to bring about our desires. They may connect us with others that may be helpful, look out for new opportunities and maybe even jump in and get their hands dirty with us. The benefits they can bring to the table are immeasurable.

 

2. Live with Healthy Personal Purposes and Set Personal Standards for Behavior.

Our purposes help to guide our lives. They help guide the thoughts we let ourselves think, the ways we deal with emotion, the ways we treat ourselves and others.

We use the purposes in our lives to set standards for the ways we will behave. To set these standards does require commitment and the ability to be mindful of ourselves. But it is with these standards of behavior that we can set a healthy trajectory for the way we go about getting what we want.

Without personal standards our hitting the mark in a healthy way can be much more difficult. We may be distracted away from our destination often by the endless amount of other objects and people that compete for our attention. Without setting them our impulses may wander into the realm of the unhealthy.

So be mindful of your purpose. Set those personal standards. The path to getting to what we desire is much simpler when we do.

3. Keeping Our Imaginations Grounded.

At the heart of desire is a want to have something be, somewhat different than the way they are. Which means our imagination is led to leave our connection with the present moment.

Keeping ourselves grounded also means keeping our imaginations grounded. This doesn’t mean try to use the imagination as little as possible. We do need to make sure that we give some time to using our imagination in a healthy way. Using it to see possible obstacles on the path, and make balanced plans for navigating them.

Imagination becomes troublesome when we attach too much emotion to the story we envision with it. Our vision may be clouded by past failures, leading us to ignore what we want out of a desire, so as not be disappointed. Some imaginings may also become clouded by our own pleasant emotions for certain outcomes, leading us to be blissfully unaware of dangers that are coming.

To keep our imaginations grounded is also to not allow emotion to become too attached to expected outcomes. We may end up pleasantly surprised at our smooth success. Or wind up avoiding danger because we were not blinded by a pleasant fantasy.

Our imaginations are a awesome part of being a human being. When used in a responsible way at least.

4. Stay Grateful.

Practicing gratitude is a powerful thing that really isn’t that difficult to do. Our drives for getting what we want can turn into an insatiable quest of dissatisfaction. This is unfortunate but it is bound to happen for all of us to some extent.

Gratitude is an amazing thing. It can bring a brain that is stuck on obsessively wanting, and pull it back into the moment. Giving it rest, and positive vibes, all because it is able to connect with reality as it currently stands. This gives our brains permission to detach from worrying about the ways things may become.

I said that it isn’t difficult to practice gratitude. Here is a great gratitude practice from a book called “The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne. We at My Life Experiment have found personal transformations from applying it to our lives.

5. Focus on Desiring Good for Others.

Too much time spent on our own wants and needs can lead to neglect of the healthy relationships that have grown and sustained us. It can take us down a highly self-centered path. And not the kind of self-centered that is necessary for a self-care practice.

Part of self-care is also caring for others. It is about taking our attention off of ourselves for a while and giving positive vibes to the lives of others. Whether those others are close loved ones or people we may never have even met.

Desiring good for others doesn’t necessarily mean stepping up to physically help them. Although by doing it often enough we won’t be able to avoid reaching out more often than normal. By getting in the mindset of wanting more good for others, our energies naturally move toward being more compassionate and helpful.

Being more compassionate and helpful for others creates close allies. With our desires on healthy paths and the help of others, beautiful successes are sure to happen. And isn’t that all we really want? Success as we personally define it?

Well, that is all we have for today and thank you so much for stopping into My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We sincerely wish you amazing success in keeping the energy of your desire on the healthiest paths possible. We truly believe that if you take today’s lessons to heart and apply them, that you will greatly benefit. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course!
  3. Follow our Facebook page.

 

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here

 

To Support My Life Experiment.
How to Live a Life of Self-Respect.

How to Live a Life of Self-Respect.

Hey there! Today we are discussing the concept of self-respect.
To respect oneself is not always an easy thing to do. But let’s find some ways to help disrespect ourselves less. And of course, some ways to respect ourselves more.

Inevitable Disrespect on the Path to Self-Respect.

Self-respect is defined as “pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.” It is a beautiful thing to be able to respect ourselves. But the path to being able to respect ourselves is not always an easy one. Quite often on the journey, we learn how to practice self-respect because of the pain of disrespect.

Feeling disrespected can come from anybody in any relationship. But I don’t feel off in saying that who disrespects us the most, is probably ourselves. We show ourselves disrespect in many ways. It, of course, may come from the actions of others. But more often from actions of our own. It is pretty much impossible to feel self-respect when we are allowing ourselves or others to treat us disrespectfully.

We must come to know what we are willing to put up with, and what we will not. Most of us disrespect ourselves often as we go about our days and our lives. The ways that we do this may be subtle, or they may be blatant. They may be something we are aware of, or we may be blind to the reality of our self-disrespectful ways.

Whether we are setting ourselves up to lose self-respect because of the allowing the behaviors of others, or our own, we must set personal boundaries with all these behaviors so they don’t cause harm to our ability to respect ourselves. But to set these boundaries we must first come to know ourselves, to know what is appropriate.

To Know Ourselves.

To respect ourselves, we must come to know ourselves. But what is it to come to know ourselves? We must become aware of our bodies impulses, habits and tendencies. As well as what beliefs and morals are guiding these impulses. In a recent article we discussed coming to know ourselves so if you have any questions about that area please check it out.

Getting to know who we are, enables us to purposely act in ways that will enhance self-respect. As well as help us avoid the impulses to behave in ways that would dampen it. Knowing ourselves and accepting those new realities about ourselves will make behaving in ways that are trigger disrespect, much more difficult to act on. As well as give a powerful tug from our consciences that let us know we shouldn’t have done what we just did. Which may bring a stinging of guilt and shame but ultimately give us the chance to change our ways for the better.

Self-knowledge also allows us to understand and feel what boundaries we need to set with other people. Disallowing individuals to treat us in ways that may harm the way we view ourselves. We are the only ones that can truly figure out what we should put up with, and what we should not.

Coming to know ourselves on a deep level is immensely important, of course. But knowing ourselves is not enough for building the amount we respect ourselves. We also must learn to be ourselves.

To Be Ourselves.

Not only must one come to know themselves to respect themselves. We must also be ourselves to respect ourselves. By neglecting to be ourselves, we are showing ourselves disrespect. It is difficult to feel genuine self-respect when neglecting to act and speak in ways that reflect our nature.

The same goes for when we are consistently treating others with disrespect we are also disrespecting ourselves. Of course, treating people respectfully doesn’t mean just agreeing to everything they say or even refraining from arguing with them. And it certainly doesn’t mean letting them walk all over us. Challenging other people to think, and having firm boundaries with others, respects ourselves well at the same time respecting the other.

Acting by the Golden Rule asks us to “treat others as we would like to be treated.” This universally believed rule is at heart of most religious thought. It implies that it is in our nature to desire respectful treatment. And in our nature to give it. There are physiological rewards to be found in treating others well. It is a beautiful outlet for our bodily impulses, which are pleased when given a connection to our fellows.

To be ourselves is to allow the energy that flows within us to have its healthy expression which breeds self-respect. To close our energies off from healthy expression, or expressing in harmful ways we as well as our self-respect will suffer. Whether we are immediately aware of this or not.

Developing a Self-respect Routine.

The responsibility for respecting ourselves rides solely on our own shoulders. This responsibility is a great one. Requiring our commitment and vigilance to a routine that will make consistent self-respect not only a possibility but a reality.

1. Self-respecting Routine.

To build a self-respecting routine. We must come to know ourselves, to come to be ourselves, to respect ourselves. A routine is something that we set in place, scheduling in activities that will make results that we desire, possible. To get the most out of a routine it must consistently enough that it almost becomes second nature. Though at first and at difficult times, may feel like something very foreign, even intrusive to our lives.

But to build self-respect, consistent application of self-respecting actions is a must. All the thinking in the world will not be enough to keep us in a self-respecting state.

2. Resolve to Show up and Be Productive.

It’s of course important to show up to be a part of our relationships, as in being physically present. But it’s entirely another thing to ACTUALLY SHOW UP. Meaning that we are engaged, actively listening, and looking for creative solutions to problems.

To really show up to life takes commitment. It requires that we are mindful, thoughtful, and seeking to help. This is whether at work, home or in the community. Routinely seeking to enhance the quality of our surroundinga has highly positive effects for the growth of self-respect.

3. Treating Others Well.

To treat others well is to treat them respectfully. It is to treat others as if they are intelligent and loving creatures. Even if they aren’t able to immediately prove that to themselves or most others. Treating others well means dropping our harsh judgments about there characters. Instead seeking to honor their positive qualities.

But treating others well is also about developing healthy boundaries. By letting someone take advantage of our kindness, we are not respecting them. We are only allowing their disrespectful routine to run havoc in their, and our lives. Not enabling the crappy actions may not end their unhealthy routine, but it will send a loud message. And just maybe we can help change the course of their life. There are plenty of other healthy places to direct our kindness,

For today I urge you to do something to respect the nature of some individual in your life. Whether that is giving a compliment, offering assistance, or even telling them no and that you can’t allow them to use you anymore. Do this today, and look to do it tomorrow, that is what consistent routines are all about, consistent practice.

4. Engage Routinely in Healthy Activities.

To engage in healthy activities is to do something enjoyable. That could be going outside to shoot some hoops, knitting a sweater in a, calling a friend or writing a novel. It can be anything really, anything that you enjoy. Set out to do something every single day that you enjoy. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it doesn’t have to cause a dime, but it will cost just a little bit of time.

5. Respecting our Emotional States.

When feeling emotionally heavy and run down it can be difficult to feel respected, as well as difficult to keep up with a routine. And that is okay, emotions run through us often that simply do not feel good. It really isn’t even reasonable to think that we will always feel good. But when you are not feeling good, to respect that feeling, is also respecting yourself.

You can also respect that feeling by kindly but firmly letting it know that all is going to be okay. And that getting up and having a little bit of fun, practicing gratitude or processing some of this emotion through therapeutic writing will help out greatly. Emotions come and go if allowed. The more we respect them, the less likely they will trigger our impulses to act in ways that will damage our self-respect.

Continuing with a self-respect building routine will also help with our emotional state. The stronger we adhere to the routine, the more secure we will be to process these emotions successfully. And the more successfully we process these emotions, the faster we will get back to more positive frames of mind.

Doesn’t more positivity and self-respect sound good to you?

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you success in developing more self-respect in your life. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course!
  3. Follow our Facebook page.

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here

 

To Support My Life Experiment.
Easing the Difficulties of the Process of Self-Discovery.

Easing the Difficulties of the Process of Self-Discovery.

The process of Self-discovery is a wonderful thing. Though it is not necessarily an easy process, it is a process that will likely lead to our best life’s fulfillment.

I see this process as one that is an uncovering of our deepest nooks and crannies. Much like digging to the center of our deepest selves.This is a process that if given our self due-diligence, will offer us beautiful new insights into our own depths. We will find ambitions and desires that will keep us occupied for a lifetime. So lets dig in to the topic of Self-discovery to find it’s difficulties. As well as finding ways to help ease us through with as little pain and suffering as possible.

What is the Process Self-discovery?

A human being is much more than meets the eye. Within each of us there is knowledge and potential that if found and applied to life, can be a vital force in the world. But until this knowledge and these energies are found and related with, they are dormant, unused and liable to get lonely and angry.

The process of self-discovery as I know it, is one that takes us on a path to find out who we are. It leads us to come to understand our bodies impulses, to find why they cause the desire to think, to feel, and to express themselves in the ways that they do. As well as a process of coming to terms with what we believe and why we believe what we believe.

The process of discovering ourselves is about reclaiming pieces of ourselves that we quite possibly have never had a chance to meet. As well as finally giving these newly found energies the freedom to create in healthy ways. There is much to learn about ourselves on this journey, as well as much to leave behind.

To discover more within ourselves, makes available more resources to grow ourselves. It makes it possible to more authentic individuals. Though there is so much to gain by truly getting to know ourselves, this journey is not without it’s difficulties.

Some Difficulties of Discovering Ourselves.

Discovering more about ourselves most certainly has it’s difficulties. This process is a journey into the unknown. Even though that unknown is inside a body we have lived with our entire lives. Much of the reason we are not aware of these aspects of ourselves could be because there is pain associated with their becoming visible to us. Even if we don’t realize it we shield ourselves from relating with them. 

Much of the energies the process of self-discovery seeks to find, seek to be found. They knock on the doors of our consciousness, sending hints at their whereabouts. For them to be found, to have them be made sense of, to be related with, is to be freed. But to make sense of them is to come to terms with the reality of where they came from.

Another difficulty on the path to getting to know ourselves is that many things we once believed about ourselves may turn out to be untrue. It can be an unsettling thing to have the reality of ourselves turn out not to be what we thought. Especially if it is about an aspect of ourselves that we have held as a firm belief. Discovering the depths of ourselves will inevitably force us to drop long held beliefs we have about ourselves. Possibly making our worlds make much less sense as we process the new self-information.

Continually learning about ourselves leads us to many opportunities to grow, but also forces us to change with the new information. That or hide the new reality to protect what we believe. It isn’t easy to stay open to a state of continual change. The realities of life are difficult to swallow and the process of self-discovery requires to stare it all in the face.

Easing the Pains of Getting to Know Ourselves.

Through the process of getting to know the deepest parts of ourselves, we will not like all of the pieces that we meet. We will have impulses triggered that will not be pleasant to recognize and feel.

The process of self-discovery begins with triggering these pieces of ourselves by showing up for our lives, taking risks and challenging ourselves. Then taking those triggered impulses, looking at them directly, feeling them and accepting their reality. Giving them both meaning, as well as healing.

There are different methods of coming to terms with these impulses, or tools to use on the path to self-discovery. Such as using a therapeutic writing process, meditating in some fashion, talking with trusted individuals, reading books on spirituality and self-development, exercising, being grateful. All of these methods are important on the path of self-discovery.

But while on the path there are some important things to keep in mind to help ease the pain of getting to know ourselves.

Being Kind but Firm While Accepting our New Realities.

While discovering who we are we are bound to be introduced to self-truths that we will not appreciate. But remember, not every “self-truth” we believe will be reality. Also not every self-truth we don’t believe will be an illusion, it may something we don’t like.

Whether the self-information that shows up to us is real or illusory, accepting the new real is of the utmost importance. There is no need to beat ourselves up for not seeing this sooner, or being evil because we are a certain way. We can let ourselves know we are doing the best we can with what we have. And that we simply didn’t have that info up to this point. We were misled by our own lack of self-knowledge. This doesn’t equate to being stupid, many of the brightest people in the world are unaware of aspects of themselves.

We need to be kind to ourselves when learning about ourselves. Self-discovery can be tough work. But it also isn’t good practice to be too lenient ourselves under the disguise of self-love. We need to take the risks that will trigger this process. Avoiding these risks is avoiding our lives, and we will remain uninformed of much about ourselves. Be kind, but also be firm and steadfast to the commitment to gain self-knowledge and grow. Be vigilant in writing in that journal, breathing mindfully, reading books and feeling emotions. Those are all ways that we can be kind to ourselves, as long as we do these activities in a kind way.

Take Breaks and Have some Fun.

It is important to be doing some form of self-knowledge seeking daily. But if done too consistently, too often, and too seriously it may leave pieces of ourselves wanting a break, and to have some fun. Although the process of getting to know ourselves can be fun, it also may begin to feel overwhelming. When feeling overwhelmed it is probably time to take a break. So take a break, have some fun, sit back and watch some Netflix, have a laugh, have some fun, immerse yourself in some sort of healthy distraction! Do whatever you need to do to release that feeling of anxiety and overwhelm, in a healthy way of course.

Getting to know ourselves is an amazing and important process, but it doesn’t need to replace having a good time with life. Life should be enjoyed. The path to self-discovery can enhance that enjoyment. But the process can be made forced and rigid. It doesn’t need to be. Life is relatively short, get to know yourself, be committed, be grateful, and have a good time.

Self-discovery

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you success of having a Self-discovery process that is as painless as possible. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course!
  3. Follow our Facebook page.

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here

 

To Support My Life Experiment.

Doing our Self Due-Diligence for Living our Best Lives.

The concept of doing our due-diligence is a popular idea. It speaks to doing our own research so that we can think for ourselves in any area in which we care to succeed.

Doing our due-diligence is of high importance for making the best decisions we can. Whether those decisions are able to be deeply thought about, or quick snap decisions.

If succeeding in any area of life is based on the amount of research that we do and apply, then how important is researching who we are as individuals. In this article we talk about applying our due-diligence to become experts in our own lives, looking into way to get to know ourselves

What is Due-Diligence?

Of several definitions that I took into consideration I have come to a personal definition based on their consensus. Due-diligence is the thorough investigation and thoughtful actions taken to understand and intelligently respond to the situations we face that effect our personal interests. Doing our due-diligence is doing our homework. It is studying up so that we can get the most out of our decisions and actions. Working to create the best possible outcomes for those we effect.

So now take the above definition. This definition can be used for essentially any area of life. Whether that is for building a career, starting a business, making family decisions, investment choices, etc. Success in our own lives is generally dependent on how much we understand the forces that effect us. It is through understanding of these forces, that determines the type of response we can have when confronted by them. Maybe sometimes we can get lucky and find success without knowledge. But living a life based mainly on luck doesn’t sound like a recipe for success to me. Our bodily impulses need guidance based on information that is thorough and reliable.

Our relationship with all the individual areas of our lives work best while being well-informed, yes of course. But there is one relationship more important than any of these areas that we can come to know. That relationship is with ourselves. The due-diligence we do on this thing we call ourselves, sets the stage for making the best decisions possible for every area of our lives.

How we Do Our Self Due Diligence.

Saying that the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we have may seem a bit self-centered. But this statement is self-centered in the healthiest way possible. All decisions we make are based on how well we understand our bodily impulses, beliefs, weak areas and strong areas. To make the best decisions for ourselves and all those we influence, time spent getting to know ourselves is time used wisely.

Where do we start when it comes to learning about ourselves more deeply? Over the years I have learned methods for gaining self knowledge. Here are some methods to put our due-diligence to work, for getting to know what makes ourselves tick.

1. Question what We Know about Ourselves.

There is an important question to eventually ask if we truly desire to know ourselves. Who am I? This question asked sincerely and openly can lead into an amazing process of self discovery.

To question ourselves in this manner there are some things we are admitting. We are admitting that we don’t have all the answers about ourselves. As well, we are admitting that we believe it might be possible to come to know ourselves better. When we come to this place of willingness to find ourselves, we need to latch onto it and make a firm commitment.

The act of questioning ourselves in this manner can be unsettling. Some of us believe we have all the information we need about ourselves. But how many of us actually know everything there is to know about ourselves? How many of us know all our personal beliefs, impulses, weak and strong attributes?

I have no problem saying that even the most enlightened individuals on the planet, would be lying if they said they did. We humans are constantly changing beings with desires, beliefs and abilities that transform over time.

This process of coming to know ourselves more deeply is not an easy task. At times it may even temporarily leave our mental and emotional equilibrium all over the place. Though it is a process that will pay us back great dividends on the energy we invest in it. Next we will move on to investigating what we strongly believe.

2. Investigating our Long Held Beliefs.

We all have deeply held beliefs. The beliefs could be of a spiritual or religious nature, political nature, ethical nature or any other nature. The nature of these beliefs isn’t important here, but our relationships with these beliefs most certainly are.

Our relationships with these beliefs determine how we view ourselves, and how interact with the world around us. Sometimes we may be able to tell where these beliefs originate from, other times we may not even know we hold them until we act them out unexpectedly. That or someone else brings them to our attention.

Some beliefs are essential for maintaining a life that is both peaceful and fulfilling. Other beliefs may distort our perceptions, and cause us to seek a troubling amount of perfection for ourselves and those around us. Making it difficult or even impossible to live a life that is authentic to ourselves.

If we have held a belief for many years, we may just think it is part of who we are. Maybe that is true or maybe not, us as individuals are the only ones that can figure that out. I believe the only way to find out is to examine the belief, pick it apart, and see if it still feels right afterward.

Due-diligence studying

Process of Belief Investigation.

To investigate a belief, we first must pin point what our beliefs are. The easiest way I know to begin this investigation for developing self due-diligence is by writing these beliefs down. List the beliefs that you feel strongly about. Then afterwards, give some heartfelt effort to thinking about the origins of those beliefs. After some thought, write down if the belief still fits who you are today or if life would be better if the belief was gone.

If you don’t feel like writing, another method is to think about an argument in which you recently partook. Or think about a statement you recently heard that offended you. Ask yourself, what am I believing that caused me to be offended, or triggered me to argue? Then, if you are feeling up to it ask yourself if the belief actually matters to you, or if it is just a reaction from a long held and hidden belief.

Commitment to regular examination of our beliefs is a commitment to coming to terms with the depths of who we are. We examine our beliefs, keep what we can still use, and discard what we no longer connect with. Coming to terms with our beliefs is important for being our best selves, but even more important is to get in touch with our bodily impulses.

3. Forming a Better Relationship with our Bodily Impulses.

Our bodily impulses are talking to us continually. Sometimes the communications are pleasant, sometimes they are quite painful. Often times we hear of the pleasant feelings labeled as good, the painful as bad. This good and bad distinction about feelings is unnecessary and misleading.

All of our bodily impulses are neither good nor bad, they just are, and they need our attention. As we learn to regularly pay kind attention to these impulses, we can develop a healthy relationship with them.

To pay kind attention doesn’t mean we give these impulses everything they desire. That is a recipe for an immensely dysfunctional and painful existence. What it means is to listen to them. Now I realize that these impulses may not speak directly to us in a voice we can understand. But as long as we are willing to pause and feel them without judgment when they come, our bodies will understand what to do.

Due-diligence sitting

Simple Process for Relating to Bodily Impulses.

I will walk you through the simplest method I know for relating with impulses in any somewhat free moment. Although I say it is simple, often times it is anything but easy.

Anytime throughout the day simply take stock of how you feel. You could even set a reminder on your phone to alert you multiple times a day to help you remember to check in. If your mind and body are particularly stressed, take note. And if possible, sit or stand still and take a full deep breathe, hold it momentarily, then exhale fully. Continue to focus on your breathing in this way until the stress subsides. While focusing on breathing the stress away, it likely will not give up without a fight. The impulses may spark all sorts of thoughts to sort through in this process. But use this exercise as a break from these thoughts. Continue to breathe through the stressed out thoughts and they will settle down. You may even find yourself very relaxed afterward.

This exercise is great for developing a better relationship with our impulses. Mindful breathing and non-judgment of thinking naturally helps us and our bodies develop a better relationship. Our bodies will do the communicating, the healing, the accepting, the understanding, when we let it. Without knowing our bodies, we cannot know ourselves.

Closing Thoughts.

It is clear to me that healthy relationships with our bodies and our beliefs are necessary for knowing and being our best selves. Without a healthy relationship with our bodies we will not understand what beliefs align well with us. And without beliefs that align well with our bodies we will be taken down a path that is not ours to take.

To be true to ourselves we must do our self due-diligence. We must diligently work at relating to our impulses, and aligning those impulses with healthy beliefs and eventual behaviors. Not for our country, our employers, our parents, but for ourselves. Because when we are true to our sane selves, others around us reap more rewards then when we are not.

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth in your process of learning to do your self due-diligence! If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list to Enroll in our Free 7 Day Impulse Negotiation Email Course!

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To see our Terms and Conditions click here

 

To Support My Life Experiment.
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