Doing our Self Due-Diligence for Living our Best Lives.

The concept of doing our due-diligence is a popular idea. It speaks to doing our own research so that we can think for ourselves in any area in which we care to succeed.

Doing our due-diligence is of high importance for making the best decisions we can. If succeeding in any area of life is based on the amount of research that we do and apply, then how important is researching who we are as individuals. In this article we talk about applying our due-diligence to become experts in our own lives, looking into way to get to know ourselves

What is Due-Diligence?

Of several definitions that I took into consideration I have come to a personal definition based on their consensus. Due-diligence is the thorough investigation and thoughtful actions taken to understand and intelligently respond to the situations we face that effect our personal interests. Doing our due-diligence is doing our homework. It is studying up so that we can get the most out of our decisions and actions. Working to create the best possible outcomes for those we effect.

So now take the above definition. This definition can be used for essentially any area of life. Whether that is for building a career, starting a business, making family decisions, investment choices, etc. Success in our own lives is generally dependent on how much we understand the forces that effect us. It is through understanding of these forces, that determines the type of response we can have when confronted by them. Maybe sometimes we can get lucky and find success without knowledge. But living a life based mainly on luck doesn’t sound like a recipe for success to me. Our bodily impulses need guidance based on information that is thorough and reliable.

Our relationship with all the individual areas of our lives work best while being well-informed, yes of course. But there is one relationship more important than any of these areas that we can come to know. That relationship is with ourselves. The due-diligence we do on this thing we call ourselves, sets the stage for making the best decisions possible for every area of our lives.

How we Do Our Self Due Diligence.

Saying that the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we have may seem a bit self-centered. But this statement is self-centered in the healthiest way possible. All decisions we make are based on how well we understand our bodily impulses, beliefs, weak areas and strong areas. To make the best decisions for ourselves and all those we influence, time spent getting to know ourselves is time used wisely.

Where do we start when it comes to learning about ourselves more deeply? Over the years I have learned methods for gaining self knowledge. Here are some methods to put our due-diligence to work, for getting to know what makes ourselves tick.

1. Question what We Know about Ourselves.

There is an important question to eventually ask if we truly desire to know ourselves. Who am I? This question asked sincerely and openly can lead into an amazing process of self discovery. To question ourselves in this manner there are some things we are admitting. We are admitting that we don’t have all the answers about ourselves. As well, we are admitting that we believe it might be possible to come to know ourselves better. When we come to this place of willingness to find ourselves, we need to latch onto it and make a firm commitment.

The act of questioning ourselves in this manner can be unsettling. Some of us believe we have all the information we need about ourselves. But how many of us actually know everything there is to know about ourselves? How many of us know all our personal beliefs, impulses, weak and strong attributes? I have no problem saying that even the most enlightened individuals on the planet, would be lying if they said they did. We humans are constantly changing beings with desires, beliefs and abilities that transform over time.

This process of coming to know ourselves more deeply is not an easy task. At times it may even temporarily leave our mental and emotional equilibrium all over the place. Though it is a process that will pay us back great dividends on the energy we invest in it. Next we will move on to investigating what we strongly believe.

2. Investigating our Long Held Beliefs.

We all have deeply held beliefs. The beliefs could be of a spiritual or religious nature, political nature, ethical nature or any other nature. The nature of these beliefs isn’t important here, but our relationships with these beliefs most certainly are. Our relationships with these beliefs determine how we view ourselves, and how interact with the world around us. Sometimes we may be able to tell where these beliefs originate from, other times we may not even know we hold them until we act them out unexpectedly. That or someone else brings them to our attention.

Some beliefs are essential for maintaining a life that is both peaceful and fulfilling. Other beliefs may distort our perceptions, making it difficult or even impossible to live a life that is authentic to ourselves. If we have held a belief for many years, we may just think it is part of who we are. Maybe that is true or maybe not, us as individuals are the only ones that can figure that out. I believe the only way to find out is to examine the belief, pick it apart, and see if it still feels right afterward.

Due-diligence studying

Process of Belief Investigation.

To investigate a belief, we first must pin point what our beliefs are. The easiest way I know to begin this investigation is by writing these beliefs down. List the beliefs that you feel strongly about. Then afterwards, give some heartfelt effort to thinking about the origins of those beliefs.  Then after some thought, write down if the belief still fits who you are today or if life would be better if the belief was gone.

If you don’t feel like writing, another method is to think about an argument in which you recently partook. Or think about a statement you recently heard that offended you. Ask yourself, what am I believing that caused me to be offended, or triggered me to argue? Then, if you are feeling up to it ask yourself if the belief actually matters to you, or if it is just a reaction from a long held and hidden belief.

Commitment to regular examination of our beliefs is a commitment to coming to terms with the depths of who we are. We examine our beliefs, keep what we can still use, and discard what we no longer connect with. Coming to terms with our beliefs is important for being our best selves, but even more important is to get in touch with our bodily impulses.

3. Forming a Better Relationship our Bodily Impulses.

Our bodily impulses are talking to us continually. Sometimes the communications are pleasant, sometimes they are quite painful. Often times we hear of the pleasant feelings labeled as good, the painful as bad. This good and bad distinction about feelings is unnecessary and misleading. All of our bodily impulses are neither good nor bad, they just are, and they need our attention. As we learn to regularly pay kind attention to these impulses, we can develop a healthy relationship with them.

To pay kind attention doesn’t mean we give these impulses everything they desire. That is a recipe for an immensely dysfunctional and painful existence. What it means is to listen to them. Now I realize that these impulses may not speak directly to us in a voice we can understand. But as long as we are willing to pause and feel them without judgment when they come, our bodies will understand what to do.

Due-diligence sitting

Simple Process for Relating to Bodily Impulses.

I will walk you through the simplest method I know for relating with impulses in any somewhat free moment. Although I say it is simple, often times it is anything but easy.

Anytime throughout the day simply take stock of how you feel. You could even set a reminder on your phone to alert you multiple times a day to help you remember to check in. If your mind and body are particularly stressed, take note. And if possible, sit or stand still and take a full deep breathe, hold it momentarily, then exhale fully. Continue to focus on your breathing in this way until the stress subsides. While focusing on breathing the stress away, it likely will not give up without a fight. The impulses may spark all sorts of thoughts to sort through in this process. But use this exercise as a break from these thoughts. Continue to breathe through the stressed out thoughts and they will settle down. You may even find yourself very relaxed afterward.

This exercise is great for developing a better relationship with our impulses. Mindful breathing and non-judgment of thinking naturally helps us and our bodies develop a better relationship. Our bodies will do the communicating, the healing, the accepting, the understanding, when we let it. Without knowing our bodies, we cannot know ourselves.

Closing Thoughts.

It is clear to me that healthy relationships with our bodies and our beliefs are necessary for knowing and being our best selves. Without a healthy relationship with our bodies we will not understand what beliefs align well with us. And without beliefs that align well with our bodies we will be taken down a path that is not ours to take.

To be true to ourselves we must do our self due-diligence. We must diligently work at relating to our impulses, and aligning those impulses with healthy beliefs and eventual behaviors. Not for our country, our employers, our parents, but for ourselves. Because when we are true to our sane selves, others around us reap more rewards then when we are not.

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth in your process of learning to do your self due-diligence! If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list below, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  3. Share this article on your social media.
  4. Follow our Facebook page.

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To Support My Life Experiment.
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Finding Freedom by Offering Forgiveness to Others.

Finding Freedom by Offering Forgiveness to Others.

Forgiveness: What is it?

What is it to forgive? To forgive is to release the anger or resentment that is felt because of an offense, flaw or mistake. Forgiveness isn’t necessarily about reconciling relationships, though it could lead to that. But forgiveness most certainly is a decision we make to give ourselves the ability to let go. At some point throughout our lives we are going to deal with making the decision to forgive or not. So why should we forgive?

Why Should We Forgive?

There is a great example of why forgiveness is so important in this article that tells a story of a mother’s journey to forgiving her only sons killer. Imagine being in the position of having your child murdered, and eventually coming to a place where you could hug the person that so painfully changed your life. That is exactly what this mother was able to do. But why would she?

There are other extreme instances where individuals were able to forgive. After years of holding onto hatred and resentment they are finally set free to take responsibility for those feelings. And with responsibility comes the ability to move on and take their lives back. There is tremendous freedom to be found in forgiveness. As the mother in the article states “I felt something leave me,” she said. “Instantly I knew all the hatred, bitterness and animosity — I knew it was gone.”

Forgiveness is for unchaining ourselves from the unnecessary weight of our painful pasts. So we may look to the future more clearly and optimistically. We don’t belong stuck in the past, reliving painful events over and over again. It is living mindfully in the present moment that we truly belong. But we must make the decision to release ourselves to a mindful present moment.

The Decision to Forgive.

Above, I stated that we will all come to a point in which we will need to forgive. Some version of the following questions may arise for you here, such as. How do we know we are ready to forgive? Does this mean we are letting the offenders off the hook? These are valid and important questions.

Forgiveness does not mean we are forgetting or dismissing the actions of an offender. The act of forgiveness does not mean that we are letting the individual who hurt us off the hook. This is where setting boundaries with others comes into play. A boundary such as, just because I am forgiving this offense, I certainly will not be putting myself in a similar position with that individual again.

If the situation allows it we may be able to continue on with a relationship that is meaningful to us. Forgiveness is no walk in the park and there are many emotions involved that need attention and mending. Some of these include but are not limited to, anger, sadness, resentfulness, bitterness, revengefulness, and embarrassment. These are all completely normal reactions when we have been hurt.

The amount of pain that we feel can make the decision to forgive that much harder. We make this decision when we feel that we are ready. But there is a difference between feeling we are ready and believing we are ready to forgive. There are bodily impulses that may be begging us to forgive, sometimes for long periods of time before we learn how to listen. The louder the anger, the louder the anxiety, speaks to the desire of these impulses that are crying out for freedom.

Forgiveness choice

 

Time to Forgive?

Here is a question to help figure out when it is time to forgive. How do I want to feel? For most people feelings of anger and resentfulness will not be on the top of the list of the way they want to feel, at least not consciously anyway.

Most people naturally want to feel good and these feeling states keep us feeling anything but that. When we choose to not be forgiving of others our happiness becomes a direct target. Being full of hatred and resentment can take over our lives, drain us from our happiness, and make us feel less purposeful. These feelings may spill over into all areas of our lives. Meaning that we wont simply torture ourselves, but also cause extra struggle for the people closest to us.

We know it is time when we want to rid ourselves of the powerful emotions that are holding us back from life.

Forgiveness is a Process.

This is a process and healing will come over time. Acknowledging how we feel verses ignoring it will greatly help our journey of forgiveness. Slowly we will start to feel the benefits as we begin to free up from the negative energy that we continue flowing through ourselves. In Steven Taylors article, “Are you ready to forgive”, he talks about four different phases of forgiveness that highlight this process.

1. Uncovering Phase- In the uncovering phase we are becoming aware of the impact the resentment we are holding is having on our lives.

2. Decision Phase- In the decision phase we come to a place where we decide that we are ready to take the step to forgive.

3. Work Phase- In the work phase we come to accept a certain amount of the reality of what has happened to us. It is here where we can begin to empathize with whomever has hurt us.

4. Deepening Phase- In the deepening phase we get to come to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our lives. Hopefully having life make more sense with the responsibility we have found in taking our lives back.

Forgiveness girl

Closing Thoughts.

Forgiveness is not easy, it is not desirable to be in a place where we need to give it. Although forgiving is not easy, it is necessary. It is necessary for giving back the ability to feel buried emotions and free our impulses to help us live more authentic lives.

If you find yourself in a position where you might need to forgive someone, give yourself a break. Remember how it is that you want to feel and slowly start taking steps from there. And like I said in the beginning, we are not meant to live in the past reliving the same feelings over and over. We owe ourselves the ability to reside peacefully in the present moment. Being forgiving of others won’t necessarily bring us the whole way but will at least point us in the right direction. And that is a big deal.

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth in your process of learning to be a more forgiving person. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list below, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  3. Share this article on your social media.
  4. Follow our Facebook page.

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To Support My Life Experiment.

Practicing Discernment for Guiding our Lives Well.

With all of the decisions we all face daily, learning the principle of discernment is a must. Well.. That is if we seek to live in a way that both challenges us and harmonizes with our own personal moralities.

Lets look a little deeper into the principle of discernment to see why it is so important. As well as to seek ways to better our lives with it.

A Life Without Discernment.

A life without discernment is a life without any sort of personal guidance system. It is a life of having whatever bodily impulse that comes to the surface to find it’s way into reality. The Buddha said that “the root of all suffering is ignorance of the causes of suffering.” This suffering that a lack of discernment can bring is no small thing.

I believe that the philosopher Plato would very much agree with Buddha’s quote above. Since he penned his teacher Socrates to say that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” A life that is not well thought out is guided by our own ignorance, and trailed by the regret of wasted time, energy and unnecessary suffering.

I do believe there is some attractiveness in not having to think deeply about the decisions we make. Maybe a sense of freedom arises from dreaming of a life where our decisions are magically made for us. But that sense of freedom is a fantasy. Granted, we should allow ourselves some freedom to quit thinking about the next decisions we have to make. We generally aren’t made for obsessively examining every detail of the next situation that life brings us. We need breaks, relaxation and possible vacations. But refusal or unawareness of the need to practice discernment for too long can push us into undesired situations.

Discernment Person

What is Discernment.

A Oxford dictionary definition for discernment is ” the ability to judge well.”

Now when I think of the word discernment, I think of decision making. More precisely, I think of being able to judge whether one decision is better than another. And on that note, which decision it is best for us as individuals to act on at the moment. There is a difference between discernment and decision making itself. Discernment is a principle that guides our bodily impulses down a life path that best fits us as individuals. The quality of a decision is based on the level of discernment we use. Our abilities to discern, are based on the level of our expertise.

The principle of discernment is a beautiful thing, though it is not necessarily an easy principle to develop. The principle is developed through learned experience. Through experience, important faculties develop for building our ability to discern well. First of all as we go through life taking risks, whether we fail or succeed, we learn. We learn the ins and outs of the specific areas in which we are taking the risk, developing expertise. Secondly, we learn more about what we are interested in in the first place. We come to learn more about ourselves, our tastes, our passions, and the areas that are most worth our time and energy. By taking risks, experimenting with our creative impulses intelligently and learning from these experiences we can become experts in living our own lives.

Becoming Discerning Individuals for Guiding Our Lives Well.

Above is stated that “our abilities to discern, are based on the level of our expertise.” This happens to apply to any area of life in which we choose to spend our lives developing. For example, your level of expertise in race car driving will guide the decisions you can make on the race track. Now if you don’t know much about race car driving you might not know how to discern what a good decision is on the race track. The same goes with any area of life.

A race car drivers expertise helps them discern better decisions on the track, no doubt. Under the same logic, the more bits of information we understand about ourselves, the better guides we can be for the direction of our own lives. Allowing us to take more intelligent risks, and more intelligently use all resources at our disposal.

Here are some tips for developing discernment, so we can effectively be positive guides for the direction of our own lives.

Doing Self Due-Diligence.

Due-Diligence is about doing our own research. We should be doing our own research on any activity that we care to succeed with. Without studying the information available and giving it sufficient thought, discerning the best decision ends up being a shot in the dark. Maybe get lucky, maybe just waste time. On the same note, if we don’t do our due-diligence in studying ourselves we won’t know ourselves well enough. We won’t know where to best focus our thoughts and actions, so our ability to discern the best decisions for ourselves will be blunted. Studying and thinking deeply about our beliefs, interests, abilities and the areas of life these will be best applied is critical for living lives of which we can be proud. The idea of becoming experts in our own lives rings loudly here.

Nobody knows more about ourselves than we do, we know us at our cores, even if not consciously. There is a great deal of information I don’t consciously have about myself. I have to continue mining the depths of myself to connect with all of it.

There isn’t a single person that can be a closer expert in our lives, than ourselves. But other people around us have incredibly useful information about us that we may not see. Having healthy people we trust to help us gain knowledge about ourselves and our capabilities is very beneficial. This could be from a mentor of some sort, family members, self help books, or even a person we don’t know that says the right thing to us at the right time. Only we can make our own decisions, but the discernment of others can often help ourselves discern more effectively.

Discernment Self

Living on Purpose.

Purpose acts as a boundary and guide for the type of lives we want to live. You have probably heard the phrase “if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything.” Falling for anything is not a healthy proposition. Having purpose means deciding what we are living for, which implies what we are not going to fall for. So my purpose to live a life that will create benefits for my loved ones, but not at the peril of others, keeps me from acting maliciously toward others for our gain. My purpose of respecting myself keeps me from acting in ways that will disrespect myself. Disregarding thoughts, activities, and people that could lead to reducing respect for myself, and focusing on those that will enhance it.

Our purposes and what we believe guide our impulses into the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, what we deem important, what to learn, and how to learn them. Purpose guides us into the areas in which we will gain our knowledge, the areas in which we will be discerning. Finding purposes that align with our healthy desires allows are ability to discern to be guided in a healthy way.

Discernment

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth on your path of practicing the principle of discernment in your life. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list below, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  3. Share this article on your social media.
  4. Follow our Facebook page.

 

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To Support My Life Experiment.
Putting our Trust into Ourselves.

Putting our Trust into Ourselves.

Learning to be trust other people in this world is a critical skill to learn for building healthy relationships. As well as for managing mental health.

But even more important is to learn to be trusting of ourselves. Let’s talk more about self trust to find the difficulties and tips for a healthy path to doing so.

Trust and Vulnerability.

I found an interesting definition of trust which is to “give credit to a customer.” This definition is speaking of a transaction that of course would generally be for money, goods, or services. But this definition leads us to an interesting question. What are we giving away when we give our own trust in the non business relationship sense, or even in that sense? The best answer that comes to mind is that to give our trust is to be vulnerable, it is to give of ourselves.

To trust someone or something takes a decision to. So, essentially a decision to be vulnerable by offering up ourselves or property to the needs of the moment. This decision could be the very thing that allows someone to save us from great pain or death one day. Now being vulnerable is not a popular concept for most individuals, it is an even more unpopular feeling. But to have healthy relationships with the people around us, as well as ourselves it is something we must risk. Our lives and our livelihoods do actually depend on it.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is in a sense to surrender ourselves to the unknown. We have a need to be filled and so we rely on others to take care of what we cannot. For us to trust we are allowing something or someone we cannot control, to take care of their personal part of that unknown. The risk in this is of course being betrayed. Having an individual whom we have given our trust to, take advantage of our vulnerability.

There can be great risk in trusting, this is for sure. But in learning to trust ourselves we can find a better monitoring system for putting our trust in more trustworthy places.

More to Ourselves than We can Control.

We must learn to trust others, yes. The people around us may recognize certain problem areas that we may not see on our own. Though being able to give ourselves some of that very same trust is an absolute must. It is a must if we desire not just to live out a life, but to live our a life we can truly call our own.

It is an interesting thing to say we need to trust ourselves. Because the description seems to cut our selves, into multiple pieces. There is now the self the we should be trusting, and there is now the self that gives the trust. It makes sense though, there are a incredible amount of physical processes going on in each of our bodies at this very moment, that we don’t really have control over. We generally don’t have to think about our breathing, our hearts beating, or the blood rushing through our bodies.

Much like those processes “we” are also doing all sorts of other things behind our own backs. Such as the formulating and retrieving of knowledge and wisdom in our brains and the rest of our bodies. In fact, I have come to find many of my best ideas without even attempting to think about them. Many times ideas and moments of insight come completely out of the blue.

But in order to enlist the fullness of information of our own bodies, it needs our vulnerability. We need to ask the unknown in ourselves to help guide us.

To Trust the Unknown in Ourselves.

To trust ourselves, is to be vulnerable to the unknown within ourselves to take care of ourselves. It is to trust our own internal processes, our intelligences, our ability to surprise ourselves.

The relationship that we develop with ourselves is the most important relationship we have. Nobody knows us better than ourselves. Or at least the information is here within ourselves, we just need to be open and willing to find it. Here are some ideas for allowing this process of coaxing out and trust the wisdom that is within us.

1. Trust in Healthy Relationships.

I feel that with the topic of learning to trust ourselves, we must not overlook the importance of having sufficient healthy relationships. Without these relationships, trusting ourselves too much may not be the best idea. The love from our relationships is a life energy that should not be lived without. It is these connections with others that helps to ignite our own creative natures.

Now although having healthy relationships helps to fuel our own creativity, these relationships are no way more important than the one we have with ourselves. It is important to trust the information of our healthy relationships. But if the guidance of these relationships goes against our own healthy desires, we may have to blaze our own trails.

group trust

2. Surrendering to Ourselves.

In order to allow the pieces of ourselves we cannot control to work in our favor, we need to give them a entrance into our conscious awareness. Constantly stuffing our senses with information will make it difficult for the wisdom of our bodies to get through to us. A healthy relationship doesn’t happen with ourselves when obsessing about this thing and the next. The space needs to be created for new impulses from our bodies to speak to us.

We need to slow down, take breaks, and practice relaxation in some manner. Surrendering can be a difficult thing to do since some impulses may fight to maintain our attention. But trusting that the process of our bodies will work better by practicing surrender makes it easier. We may get the fear of missing out on something which makes it difficult to let go. But what is coming next in our lives will be much more enjoyable and fruitful with the healthy relationship we develop with ourselves.

3. Regularly Communicate with Self.

Communication is at the core of any healthy relationship. The relationship we have with our own bodies is no different.

To communicate with ourselves means both talking and listening. If there are impulses that we don’t understand asking for our awareness, we can ask what they are seeking. That isn’t to say these impulses will give us an immediate and definitive answer. But over time our openness and willingness to listen will foster a healthy relationship with them. They begin to learn that we are a safe place to become known.

We can communicate with that which we cannot control in ourselves to gain understanding and guidance for living life as well. Asking ourselves questions can help coax our subconscious minds to seek the answers to our questions. Even after we have forgotten that we have asked them. Often times making these requests for help comes in times of distress. A willingness to trust and be vulnerable might be easier in desperate times. But we need not wait until times of great stress to have the support of this relationship. Regular respectful and sincere communication with ourselves, ensures that a trusting relationship will develop over time.

In this relationship we develop with ourselves, we can find ourselves, as well as the most important guidance we may ever know.

Trust Self

Well, that is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth on your path of learning to trust yourselves more deeply. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list below, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  3. Share this article on your social media.
  4. Follow our Facebook page.

 

 

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To Support My Life Experiment.
Building Confidence in Ourselves.

Building Confidence in Ourselves.

Confidence is defined a couple of different ways but the one that I want to focus on here is self confidence. This includes having a feeling of self assurance arising from appreciation of one’s own qualities or abilities. Having confidence impacts our lives in major ways. Whether it be having confidence at work, in relationships, as a parent, and so forth, it effects how you act in these areas. Being able to appreciate ourselves brings about positivity. But knowing this does not make it an easy thing to obtain. Many people struggle to be confident in themselves and finding the ability to be so can be hard.

Being confident has a significant impact on situations in our lives. I myself am the type of person who dances back and forth between being confident, to lacking this quality. It feels great to be confident but the struggles that come about when it just isn’t there anymore can feel devastating.

There is More than the just the Idea of Confidence.

My husband and I like to bounce ideas off of one another. As we were talking about confidence he stated that maybe the idea of confidence may be overrated. We could be in love with the idea of confidence but not willing to put in the work to actually be it. Who doesn’t love the idea of being a confident person. For those of us who struggle with confidence, we must ask ourselves, are we putting in the work to be so or are we just dreaming of being so?

It’s easy to know what we want or how we want to feel. But getting there is another story and one that we can have a hard time writing.

What happens without confidence

Low self confidence can be destructive and often accompanied by fear and insecurities. Its hard to take risks or go after the things that we want when we are paralyzed by fear. Staying in the safe zone becomes much more comfortable and this is where we miss out on opportunities. A lack of confidence affects all areas of our lives. It can get in the way of our jobs, how we act in relationships, and how we overall see ourselves.

It can be hard to know where to begin when we have been struggling with a lack of confidence. I believe that dealing with the backlash of not having confidence makes it tremendously easy to not take any action. And when we get in the habit of not taking action it is hard to get back in the right direction. So, essentially we are stuck and no doubt uncomfortable.

The thought of changing can be scary and like I mentioned, hard to even know where to begin. But, not having confidence is not a fixed thing. There are things that can be done to help gain more confidence and to feel good about where we are. It’s not something that we gain overnight rather a practice we do over and over again.

Celebrate small victories.

Setting small goals for ourselves is a great place to start building confidence. Achieving goals brings about a sense of accomplishment which feels good. I recently stumbled across and acronym for setting smart goals. SMART goals; Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-bound. Setting goals within these parameters can greatly help keep them within our reach. Naturally this is going to bring about positive feelings which can help us to believe in ourselves and our abilities. Remember one step at a time. Trying to take on everything at once will most likely not end the way we intended.

Avoiding a Shame Spiral.

Its a fact that we will not excel at somethings right away or that others are better at different things than we are. We are going to screw up that is inevitable. This has a large impact on our self confidence. And when this happens there is a tendency to be sucked into a shame spiral. The words that we start saying to ourselves can tear us down a great deal. We may be telling ourselves that we are not good enough and that we shouldn’t even bother, or that we screwed up and are noting but a failure.

A key aspect to staying out of the shame spiral is to stop ourselves in our tracks the moment we first feel that we are spinning. Dr. Brene Brown author of “Daring Greatly,” explains that self talk is essential in breaking free from the shame spiral. Self talk is the antidote for shame. We need to change the way that we are talking to ourselves. It will more than likely be hard at the beginning but the more that we practice positive self talk the less time we will spend trapped in a shame spiral.

There is a lot of anger involved in a shame spiral that we are using to beat ourselves up. Learning to use the energy in our anger to build ourselves up is an amazing thing.

Let go of unrealistic expectations.

Give yourself a break. Setting too high of expectations or unrealistic ones can land us flat on our faces. Remember we need to keep goals within our reach and within our abilities. It is easy to become too rigid on ourselves when our expectations are bigger than we bargain for. Besides being rigid on ourselves unhealthy expectations can lead us into that shame spiral.

Highlight  assets.

Being a self confident person starts from the inside and then extends itself outwards. Acknowledging our assets and feeling good about them will help self confidence to build. We are all good at different things and each of us have different qualities that make us, us. It’s a fact that others will excel in areas that we will not, but this does not mean there isn’t something to love about our own abilities. So go ahead and try it! Find those things you love about yourself and focus on that. Highlighting our assets and not leaving room for self doubt is where we begin to excel.

Don’t be scared to become something or do something that you want. Gaining confidence is taking a step in the right direction to help achieve those things. Remember one step at a time.

That is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth on your path of becoming more confident individuals. If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list below, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
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My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

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Importance of Proactive Decision Making.

Importance of Proactive Decision Making.

Making a decision is not always the easiest thing to do. Though living in a world such as ours we don’t seem to have much of a choice, in having to make a decision.

Lets look a little deeper into the topic of decision making to find ways for taking healthy control of our lives, instead of feeling tossed around by the demands of life.

Decision and Indecision.

In this life we are constantly being pushed down a path that forces us into making one decision after another. It seems that not choosing is not an option.

What I mean by this is described well by a phrase I’ve heard along my path of addiction recovery. “Our indecisions make our decisions.” Meaning that when the opportunities to make a decision arrive and we avoid it, that is in fact a decision in itself. And by that indecision, we will be left with the consequences.

Now I don’t mean to be too dark or hope draining here but I have to say this. To exist is, in a sense, to be in a sort of trap. We are pushed forward by our own bodily impulses, peer pressures, social norms, and of course nature.

Now you may be thinking, “yep I knew it, we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.” But that isn’t at all the case. It just so happens that if we are on our A-games decision making wise, life pushing us along can feel less trap like. When we show up and take responsibility for our decision making, we can feel much more in control of our lives.

Proactive or Reactive in Decision Making.

We are making all sorts of decisions, all the time. Some of these decisions are no-brainers and don’t require much or any thought. Such as when in public and we get the urge to urinate, I’m sure most of us don’t think too hard about wetting ourselves where we stand. We immediately begin looking for a good place to take care of business. But some of our decisions can be complicated and take time to work out. Such as picking or changing careers,  having children or not, or deciding how our family will spend it’s hard earned cash.

Of course there are decisions that we cannot avoid and those that we set up ourselves. The trick is to take as proactive approach as possible, instead of a reactive one.

An individual taking a proactive approach steps up to take responsibility for decision making. Deciding to use these opportunities to create paths in life they can appreciate. Whereas a reactive approach to decision making is one where we just take what life hands us. Using our creative energies to cope with the onslaught of decisions for which we don’t feel much responsibility. I see the proactive approach as the one which leads to a more fulfilled and enjoyable life. 

Tips for Staying Proactive in Our Decision Making Process.

Having a proactive approach to making decisions, may not immediately seem like the easiest route to take. It may seem easier to lay back and live the path of “least resistance.” But often enough what seems like the easier path, lends itself to many more difficulties down the road.

The extra effort given to stepping up to take care of decision making proactively, saves an incredible amount of time and energy. So here are some tips we have compiled to help guide proactive decision making.

1. Work on Getting to Know Ourselves.

Staying awake to our decision making requires us to make conscious effort to pay attention to our lives. It requires us to study ourselves, our desires, our assets, our liabilities, our mental and emotional tendencies. Without committing proper attention to self-knowledge, we will likely wake up to our lives not really feeling like our own. Life is much more enjoyable when we are able to make decisions based on our own beliefs and personalities.

Sure what has been passed on to us is somewhat important, as are societies expectations, and even the decisions of our pasts. We can still allow these aspects to guide us somewhat, but too much guidance from them doesn’t respect the direction of living our own lives.

2. Touching Base with Our Own Conscience.

We all have our own consciences. Now what you believe a conscience to be, that is up to you. For me I believe it is my internal guidance system. It is based on my own thoughts and feelings. If something doesn’t feel right to me, or I get that feeling that this opportunity is good to go, I say that is my conscience speaking.

To get it active before I make a decision there are some things I tend to do. Before making an decent size decision for my life I find it helpful to ask myself some questions. Such as what am I looking for here? Is this opportunity for me or is it meant for someone else? What these questions do is frame my mind to look for answers to them. I may not get the answers right away, or I might. Generally the process takes extra internal and external research.

If time is going by and I am still not feeling right with an answer, I do some therapeutic writing. Writing mainly to get in touch with any emotion that may be in the way of my answer. If I am still not getting my answer I turn to gathering a group conscience.

3. Gather up a Group Conscience.

A method I have learned for investigating an opportunity until I know the right decision to make, is group conscience. That means enlisting the knowledge of people I trust that might have a viewpoint on what I can’t quite put my finger on. By gathering information from these people and their respective consciences, I am able to get a better grasp on what decision I should currently be making. It’s difficult to explain when group conscience has been met. But for me when it has, I feel it, and then I just know.

Though remember, when gathering group conscience we are seeking our own answers, not somebody else’s. We are seeking to put the puzzle pieces in our own mind together. Plenty of people in this world will tell us what we should be doing on every subject available. But that is the lazy approach. Developing our own reasons for the decisions we make teaches so much more.

Decision Conscience

4. Make Decisions Promptly but Still do the Research.

Making decisions promptly is important for not missing out on great opportunities. But making decisions too quickly without feeling the consequences are understood is just as important. Acting too hastily might work out just fine, and sometimes we may need to do just that. But if there is time for researching and gathering a group conscience, do so, and do so ASAP. It is best to be walking into new opportunities understanding what is at risk. Though sometimes our conscience is ready to make the right decision at a moments notice. Other times we need to just walk away.

5. Take Responsibility for Decisions Made.

Too feel in control of our lives, we have to take responsibility for where our lives are at. To feel responsible for where we are at, we must take responsibility for the decisions we made that got us here. Taking responsibility helps us feel less like victims of circumstance. It allows us to feel more in charge of the direction of our lives. Therefore more readily available to continue handling the opportunities that come into our paths with confidence.

6. Take Risks and Make Plans.

We have say in the lives we get to live. Our creative natures reach out to expand into the world based on our own based on our own desires. When ideas start pointing in directions we haven’t though of before, and our emotions are longing for something new, it’s time to create. If we don’t allow them and are constantly catering to others needs, anger, resentment, depression, begin to brew.

So we need to make plans, take risks, work through disappointment and rejection. Our happiness, contentment and feelings of living our own lives depends on it.

Closing Thoughts.

Life can feel rather forceful at times, for sure. But if we spend the time to develop a proactive decision making process, we can be prepared for it. And as prepared decision makers, we will be able to get much more out of this beautiful life than if we weren’t.

That is all we have for today, and thank you so much for stopping in to My Life Experiment. What is written here has come from struggle and growth. We wish you growth on your path of becoming proactive decision makers . If you enjoyed what you read then I would love for you to do a couple things for us.
  1. If you would like to help support this website by offsetting some of the costs of running it. There is a PayPal button below or in the right sidebar, depending on if you are viewing with mobile or by computer.
  2. Join our email list below, which will get you a copy of our Therapeutic Writing Guide, and have our new articles sent directly to your email.
  3. Share this article on your social media.
  4. Follow our Facebook page!

 

 

My Life Experiment

Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. We promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

To Support My Life Experiment.
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