Changing Our Thoughts From Fearful to Self-loving.

by Jan 20, 2018Managing Mental Health0 comments

Being able to work through fearful thoughts and return to a self-loving state is a beautiful thing. All of us that are capable of rational and sane thought has the ability to find this natural state of self-love.

Being an individual that has lived a life of addiction, recovery has made it necessary to learn this process. Here is my list of practical self-loving tips to help me let go and stay in my love, even when times feel rough.

1. Remind Ourselves that Our Thoughts and Emotions are not necessarily Reality.

This can be a difficult thing to grasp (especially when emotions are on high alert). It is also a freeing reality once this is grasped. When emotions are running high it can be easy to feel like the thoughts that feel out of control ARE reality. Getting ourselves to realize that these are just thoughts from hurting emotions can take a lot of the fear away.

It seems to me that fear, whether it is fear of a real or imagined event, is simply our bodies way of trying to get us to protect itself. This is all well and good when there is an actual threat. But it is not so necessary when there is no immediate danger.

When we are protecting ourselves from imaginary threats, there is only one person we are protecting ourselves against. That person is ourselves. Sure there is self-love involved with protecting ourselves from real threats. But being stuck in fear distorts our connection with reality. And being disconnected from reality takes its mental and emotional toll. Our way back into reality is to find our way back into a self-loving state.


2. Sincerely Tell the Thought “I love you.”

I find it a little strange how effective it can be to tell my thoughts that I love them. Saying I love you, to anything, can help us put my guards down. It is no different when we say this to our thoughts, no matter how unsafe they seem to be making us feel.

Saying I love you to the thought helps to see through it so that we can get some healing for the fear-filled energy that is trying to be felt. Of course, simply telling a heavily fearful thought I love you will not pacify it enough to make everything feel okay. We will need to sincerely tell the though I love you, and back that up by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to its energies.

If there are deeply held fear fueling the thought, we may need to take our sincerity deep enough to bring about tears.

3. Just Breathe and don’t actively think at all.

When feeling overwhelmed at times, even saying I love you to thoughts can start a cascade of thinking that may be tough to handle. In these times dropping our thinking as much as possible until our minds have a chance to clear is probably best.

Putting our attention on mindful breathing, and feeling the sensations in our bodies can bring deep relaxation. And relaxation in these times is likely what we need. As our minds relax, our bodies can relax, thus creating a calm, maybe even serene state to our entire beings.

Initially, it may not be easy to surrender our thoughts and impulses the moment. But if we stick with it, the calm will come.

4. Talk to Someone that is Trusted.

Even if you are a take care of your own emotions as much as possible person like myself, trusting others is still a necessity for coping with fearful thinking. Sometimes our go-to self-soothing methods won’t take us to our impulses to a place of healing. In this case, having trusted individuals we can chat with is indispensable.

We can use the trusted people in our lives to help us calm down. As well as for working through our fear, relating with our pain, and reminding us that we are loved. There is a healing energy that is offered up when we become vulnerable with people that deeply care for us. Trying to do this life thing all alone is a silly thing. Loving ourselves, our thoughts and our emotions is much easier when we let people love us.

Allowing others to help us is one of the most self-loving things we can do for ourselves.

5. Take a Small Step in Taking Care of an Errand.

Getting behind on the priorities we have is a big cause of emotional turmoil. Sometimes the list of things that need attention seems so daunting. It can be easy to get stuck in feeling like it all needs to be done right now. And equally as easy to get too hard on ourselves because we are falling behind.

A great start to remedy this is to start a small to-do list. Simple enough right? The list doesn’t have to be complicated, simply list a few things that aren’t getting done, and commit to doing them.

Fear is a sign-post that will let us know that we need to get our butts in gear. It shows us that the proper preparations are not being made to have the type of life that we desire to live. Taking care of something that needs our attention may very well take the fear away.

Staying on top of our priorities is a highly self-loving thing to do.

Closing Thoughts.

Fear to Self-Loving

These are the habits I have developed to stay grounded in my love. Developing them so that I can be my best possible self. It helps keep me in my right mind and helps me in touch with my emotions.

Integrating these tips into our lives even when light fear is present, or when there isn’t fear at all makes it easier to practice when times are tough.

My hope is that this list can help you find self-loving results similar to the those that I have received in my life.


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Welcome! We are Travis and Casey Hagen, the writer's and owner's of My Life Experiment. As recovering Individuals, we are no strangers to leaving behind dysfunctional ways of living. Over the years we have become adept at managing our intense mental and emotional worlds. Finding healing from the past, peace in the present and new ways to bring about success for our futures. Life is meant to be lived. That is why we promote Healthy Life Experimentation Principles for connecting with ourselves, our relationships, and finding healthier ways of bringing about success in our lives. Stick around and pick up what we have learned. You will not be disappointed.

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